Torments From High School days

Magaidi
Tuned in to capital fm this morning to listen to ‘The Drive’ and inevitably stumbled into a discussion on the ‘monolization/rabblization/hazing’ e.t.c in high school. I’m sure most of us went through the same thing. My first day in high school was a challenge of sorts. Of course my old man, prompt as he is dropped me off at mid-day. I was one of the first dudes to arrive and have since been questioned by some whether my intention was to arrive early enough to make lunch on that day. My answers typically leave no doubts as to what I think of their mental abilities, lineage and their childhood including their backgrounds and where they were born. I remember on the first night two dudes were locked in a locker and told to sing each time coins were dropped in akin a juke box. Horror and amusement at the same time, I couldn’t help but laugh and be scared at the same time. Another episode involved a dude who was told to bleat each time he was called. It’s all funny when you look back at it but it wasn’t when you went through it. A buddy of mine, let’s call him Will, was waxing lyrical on a chic during a function when the on-duty teacher, who’d been herding people back for 5 O’clock roll call, got pissed and whacked him infront of the chic! That was as comical as it got. You can imagine a dude trying to impress a chic and along comes this instructor with a kane and proceeds to administer 'corporal punishment' on this poor soul. Reverberations were heard across the hall!. I know worse things have happened. Dudes being told to go fetch ‘darkness’ in a bucket, others were told to push 10 cent coins along a 100 yard corridor with their noses, others were being sent to buy 2 loaves, 5 biscuits and chewing gum with a kshs. 20 note and being told to bring change. I did have my moments – was once told to sing lullabies to grown men outside their cubes (which by the way killed any ambitions I had of being a singer), once woken up at 3 in the morning and told to dance like I was at a club. None though funnier than a guy on his way back to the dorm after buying bread at the cafe decided he couldn’t wait to eat it so he started chewing on his way back. He met a senior cop and was admonished for his ‘shao-ness’ – his punishment was to dig a hole right where he was since he had energy now after chewing the bread. The hole still stands, I hear, to this day!.

A Kenyan on Kenyans

Magaidi
I wholeheartedly support the idea of supporting (wha?)my fellow Kenyans/Africans. Afterall, if we don't look out for each other, who will? Indeed, I have found myself a nice shop where I can run to for good ol' milo, roiko,softa,blueband,close up, cussons na virago vingine vya bei nafuu. Hata yale maharagwe twayaita 'Njahi' katika lugha ya kikwetu nitayapata pale pale. Nikipata yule anayeweza kuyatengeneza vile yafaa basi mimi huyo, na kikapu changu nijijazie vile vile! Juzi pia nilimnunulia baba mdogo Tusker - lakini ole wake! Alipoiweka mdomoni hivi akawa kama ambaye amelipukiwa na bomu.

"son what is that?"
"Tusker"
"son..that is no Tusker. I have been drinking tusker since time immemorial. That is no tusker. Don't buy it again!"
"Safi"

Kenya breweries, if you're listening, someone's selling fermented urine in brown tusker bottles in the states.

I came across a Kenyan daily. Though fuzzy on the actual name, I think it went along the lines of 'The Kenyan Advancement Newspaper'. Fair enough. There were advertisements about Kenyan realtors, curios, lawyers, freight companies - I mean any Kenyan with a business was on it. I think this is a fabulous idea and I endorse it. The writing was abit mediocre, situations were overly dramatized (ahem!) - adjectives were spewn like sandwiches on local flights, not too badly though to kill the reading. I think they need an infusion of imagination into their stories but still what? still good. My problem with this paper was the caption that read:

"This newspaper is free: However we charge $15 for shipping and delivery"

Wacha mchezo bana. This is a 10 page paper, i'm paying $15 for shipping? Are you smoking maize cobs or something? There's the spirit of cooperation, helping a brutha/sista out, then there's stupidity.

Monday Morning Breakfast.

Magaidi
Its a Monday. I think i'm usually more tired on Mondays than I am on Fridays but I had a great weekend. This lifestyle we live. We have a tradition here at our office that each Monday one of us brings breakfast in for the rest of the team. Its my turn today..I forgot. In my defense, last week's dude brought it in on Tuesday. I actually remembered on my way to work but I was running late. My boss remembers when i'm late regardless of whether I was bringing in breakfast for the rest of the crew or if I was fishing and noticed a blind kid drowning and I had to save him and won an award but I digress. That's the other culture here at work. Last week's breakfast dude brought in bagels with cream cheese - no coffee, no ice water, no orange juice, nothing! You have to wonder if he eats dry bagels for breakfast in which case I pity him. The lovely mother-figure lady had a buffet the monday before. I make sure my turn is not after her's - I can't live up to that. People have more questions about why breakfast isn't available today than they have regarding daily work.That's why we get 'alot' done here.Frankly this is one tradition I can live without. I rarely eat breakfast and by the looks of some of them, they might need to skip a meal a day.

Recent Events.

Magaidi
It's been a rather eventful week past. My heart goes out again to the families and victims of terrorist attacks not only in London but also the continued insurgency in Iraq, soldiers in the line of fire and the countless people who each day put their lives on line so that the rest may enjoy some form of freedom. A lady asked me what i think about the global 'war on terror' - My thought is simple, we can never really eliminate terrorism, we can however minimize it's impact such that people no longer live in fear of terrorist attacks. Such that it doesn't significantly affect the way we go about our lives on a daily basis. How we go about this war is altogether questionable, I mean how can there be a 'war on terror' - debatable as this phrase has become - can we really fight an ideology with bullets and bombs? I mean, how many resources are being put to enlighten the world that Islam and terrorism are not synonyms? Up until the other day our the prototype 'serial killer' was a white male aged between 25 and 40 before the 'DC Sniper' was discovered to be black middle aged man with his son. What is terror? My dictionary tells me it is intense overpowering fear. Don't bank robbers and car jackers use this same terror as a means to an end? Aren't they also 'terrorists'? This I say not for the sake of debate...think about it, people still live seemingly normal lives in the face of all this 'terror'. If and when we ever get to this point, the 'war on terror' will have achieved some sort of success.

Why Me?

Magaidi

Somehow someway, I'm supposed to apologise for staying indoors all weekend long, as if I need to be everywhere, everyone else is. Whatever happened to staying at home and catching a flick? I mean, 'Hitch' was overrated and 'Alfie' was surprisingly good but you don't hear me calling you on your cell phone complaining why you haven't watched these movies? I do think Jude Law makes too many movies to be interesting but I don't send you an email at the office conveying that message. This sudden altruism is in my opinion senseless garbage. I got wind of word that a buddy of mine got divorced. Although this is a somewhat sad tale, next time i'll keep my opinions to myself. I received piercing looks when I claimed that 'you had to be blind if you didn't see it coming'. It's true. The chic was a shrow, the fella had a bad temper. Their wedding was nice, love was in the air. Love is overrated!

Today is the 4th of July.Independence day. Independence is a relative term. Independence from what? Independent Women, what independence? Just baloney if you asked me. Pyromania is rampant, firefighters are logging in overtime. A dude set himself on fire lighting firecrackers for last years show, this year the city issued an ordinance and broadcasted it on local channels and sent residents mail relentlessly. NO PERSONAL FIREWORKS DISPLAY. I think people watch the show to get stuff to talk about at work the next day.

"So where d'you watch the fireworks at?",
"My backyard - my wife was with me and my children loved it!"
"You?"
"on TV"

That kills the conversation. It's actually interesting to watch the reactions, I hate fireworks.